Woes Of an Older Sister
by drvvh
Summary: AU; Calleigh has a unplesent homelife. She finally realizes to how bad she has it, when a family tragedy happens that changes her life forever. Later chapters will explain everything.
1. woes of an older sister

A/N:Hey all! I know I have other stories I should be working on, but my muse is stuck on this. So I hope you like. And I promise this will get updated fairly often. I've got everything planned out in my head. This first chapter is a story setter, but the next chapter, will explain some of the stuff I put in the summery. 

Rating: PG-13 maybe R 

Pairing: eventually calleigh/tim, but there are undertones in this first chapter 

Summery: AU; Calleigh's home life isn't ideal, and she is just really realizing it when a family tragedy occurs. She and her four younger brothers get uprooted and move to Miami to live with her aunt and uncle. 

**** 

All of my life I had wanted to be appreciated, told that I was loved, that I was beautiful. All of my life I wanted to be happy and to be everything to everyone, all at the same time. But as I got older I stopped feeling appreciated, and no one told me I was beautiful, or that they loved me .I wasn't able to make the people around me happy and I wasn't happy myself. The sad part was that I was only 17 and I felt so much older than that. 

Unfortunately my parents had a lot of problems, and having children was not one of them. Since I was the oldest I was the one with that got to take care of the little ones. They would spend four or five months attached to my mothers breast and then once they were whined they were my respectability. 

There were days were I asked God why I had to be the oldest. Why I had to be the one to raise my brothers and myself. 

By the time I was 15,I was totally into the role of "mom". I took care of everything for my brothers. I cooked and cleaned, helped with homework and did the laundry, all the while trying to make it through school myself. 

The only thing our parents ever did for us was put food on the table and cloths on our backs, but other than that I wouldn't consider them our parents. 

They both worked hard, but would get caught up in their favorite substances afterward. They were always so caught up with the drugs and alcohol, and each other to really truly care about us. But the one thing I will say about our mother though; she always stopped her drinking and drugs when she was pregnant and nursing. She was the recreational user in our house. 

My father on the other hand was nothing more than a junky and an alcoholic. I don't think I ever saw him sober or clean for more than a week my whole life. 

The first 18 years of my life seemed like a bittersweet nightmare. I got to play house 24/7, and never got any consolation for it. For awhile I tried to be everything my mom wasn't and more, but I couldn't, and that devastated me to no end. 

I was suppose to be the strong one, the one that took care of everyone else. And to this day I still have my moments where I think that I have to take care of everybody's needs, and forget about my own. Though, if my husband had his way I would have people waiting on my hand and foot. But thank god he didn't get his way, I don't think I could stand not doing _anything, _all day long. 

You'll here more about my heaven sent husband later. I have to tell you my past before you can truly appreciate my present even half as much as I do. 

When I was 17 I finally realized how horrible my life was. Not that I didn't love my brothers, but being a 17 year-old and mothering your siblings was so hard. 

I had never thought of my life as anything other than a little unusual, until one day at school, I was listening to a conversation between a couple of popular girls. They were talking about trips to the mall and annoying little brothers that would interrupt their telephone calls, but they're parents would ground the little rats and give the girls more money for the mall. 

And at that I realized that I was living in a complete hell whole. They were complaining about interrupted phone conversations, when I was the one that made sure my brothers didn't bother my parents. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a completely opposite life then other people. And I also realized that I got nothing in return. 

That's not true though, I did get the satisfaction that my brothers would grow up to be strong respectful young men. But that wasn't suppose to be my job. That was the day I started to resent my parents with a painful passion. 

I started to notice how they never said that they loved me and that I wasn't their baby girl anymore, and I wondered when that had stopped. 

I had spent so much of my time trying to make it through school, and take care of my family, that I never noticed how I was never loved anymore. I started to feel like a slave, and a nanny, and the person who took care of my parents when they were hung over and strung out. 

It hadn't always been this way, had it? 

That was the question that had kept running through my head. Had our family always been this dysfunctional and abusive. Had I really put up with this shit day after day for all those year? I had and I knew that I needed to get out of that house and away from my parents. But what was I going to do with my little brothers? Who was going to take care of them? And frankly where was I going to go?... 

TBC 


	2. tradgety strikes

Hey all, heres the next chapter! Hope you like it!~Dorothy 

Rating: PG-PG13 

Pairing: none in this chapter, but soon I promise. 

******* 

My mind was so jumbled with these series of questions, that I didn't hear the phone ringing until my brother Sam came running into the room with the phone in hand. 

He said it was our uncle Jim, and that he sounded upset. That in and of itself scared me, but when I heard his voice for myself I knew that something terrible had happened. The tears started flowing down my cheeks as he told me about how my cousin, Kyle had been killed in a snowmobil accident. 

Kyle was only a year older than me, but we had always been close. It hurt me to no end to know that I would never see him again. 

As I thought about this I wondered how he could have died in a snowmobil accident when he lived in Miami. Jim explained that Kyle had been staying in Syracuse, New York with some old family friends, the Speedle's. Kyle and Tim Speedle had gone on a ski trip in celebration of graduating highschool, when the snowmobile that they were playing around on lost control, and smashed into a tree. Kyle had been in the hospital for three hours with paralysis, when he died of other complications. 

The news hit me like a ton of bricks. Both Jim and I were in hysterics after he retold me the story.I didn't want to believe that this wonderful person who I had shared so much was gone for good. 

By that time my parents and four brothers had all gathered around me, trying to find out what had happened. 

I made sure that Jim would call me back later when he had had made arrangements for the funeral. Then I relayed the information to my family, sparing some details, considering the fact that there were little ears in the room. 

My parents were shocked, and saddened, and my two yongest brothers, being three and five, didn't understand what was going on, but the two older boys, being 8 and 10 understood that Kyle was dead, but didn't understand why, or what had happened. 

I wanted to help them through this and help them understand what was going on, but the fact was that I didn't wasn't stable enough at the time to be that for them. 

To mine, and everyone else's surprise I crawled over to my mother , wrapped my arms around her neck, and laid my head on her shoulder, crying all the while. 

To my surprise she wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly against her. She rocked me, and stroked my hair, murmuring encouragments in my ear. 

This was the first time in what felt like forever that my mother was this addentive to me. It was the first time I had been allowed not to be the strong one, and to be quite honest the first time that I felt loved, since I was a little girl. 

Well, I weeped in my mothers arms, my father took over caring for my confused brothers. He tried to explain to them that sometimes people we love go away, for a really long time, and that Kyle was one of those people. He knew that Sam and David, the two older boys understood that Kyle was dead, but my youngest brothers Bryan and Seth couldn't comprehend the concept of death. Though they did know that something was terribly wrong. I could hear them ask our father why I was crying, and why they wouldn't be able to see Kyle again. 

Hearing the tremor, fear, and wonder in their little voices made me cry even harder. I knew that they were lossing a little bit of their innocence from this experience. And I was lossing the last bit that I had left. 

TBC... 

THANK YOU'S: I'm gotta thank everyone who has reviewed this story so far, you guys are wonderful! 

Yana: thank you so much for your support and inspiration, and of course the amusement I get out of your speed obsession. 

Jacqueline: thank you for just being you and making fanfic such a fun experience. Thanks for all the encouragement! 

Tina: Thank you for all the sweet reviews you've sent me and all the great stories you write. 

Tessa: thank you, aswell for your wonderful fics that are all inspiring, and thanks for all your support, and that cameo that I had!hehe 

NikiMeg: thanks for the review I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I too like the title.:) 

Yullia and Kady Rilla Wholi: thanks guys I really appreciate the reviews! 


	3. its time for a change

A/N: Hey all! here's another chapter. I hope you like it! oh and thanks all of you who've been reviewing, they make my day!

The next morning I woke up still in my mothers arms.I noticed that my dad had tucked an old patch-work quilt around us the night before, and I immediately snuggled deeper into it. I felt such a surreal peace wrapped in my mothers arms with the light of the dawning day filtering through a slit in the closed blinds down upon us. I kind of wondered at first if I was still dreaming, but I felt the ache in my heart and the sting of tears in my eyes .Thats how I knew I was truly awake.

As I laid on our old tan leather sofa I thought about everything that had happened . My life had been tured upside down in less than twenty-four hours. I had just come to realize how dysfunctional and depressing my family and homw life was, when I found out that the one good thing in my life had been taken away from me forever. It was ironic though, the timing that is. I needed an excuse to get away from my parents, my brothers, and the little backwater town that I lived in.

It was like Kyle was showing me that only good should come of his misfortune. I had waited years to feel the kind of love I was feeling now from my parents and in his own way he wanted me to remember them that way. I knew life would go back to the way they were before. I needed to go to Miami and be with my the only family that I knew I could count on. I needed to be in the only place I knew to really remember and honor my cousin.

I kissed my mothers cheek and got up from our cozy cocoon. I went to my room and packed all the cloths I would need,and other personal ideam's. In my suitcase their was a picture of Tim, Kyle, and I from the summer before, and that was the only thing keeping me from dying of grief.The happy memories kept me going just a little bit longer.

I called my uncle and he got me a ticket on the next flight out to Miami. I called a cab and was out of the house before my family had even gotten up. I left them a note on the fridge telling them that I needed to be in a place where I could grieve and celebrate Kyle's short but wonderful life. I ended the short note with 'I love you, don't worry about me'. Part of me wondered if they were going to worry in the first place.

When I left my house that morning I never gave a second thought as to who was going to take care of the boys, or my parents for that matter. I knew that I needed to get away from all the pain and heart ache that was held in that home and find who I was.


	4. arrival and an unexpected suprise

A/N: Sorry it took so long to post another chapter, but I do, in fact have a life that is quite busy. I hope you enjoy this chappy. There's starting to be some S/C in this chapter. BTW thanks y'all for all of the great reviews! 

on with the story! 

That morning when I walked off the Delta Airlines Boeing 747, Miami was hot,humid, and too sunny for my taste. Inside I was feeling like ice was surrounding my heart, numbing it.Numbing my soul, and spirit. 

Memories began presenting themselves in my brain. I struggled with the need to repress and the need to revel. As I walked through the terminal and over to baggage claim nostalgia ruled over my thoughts, but it had to stop. I was going to break down and I didn't want that. I needed to stay strong; repression was my only option. 

I walked out of baggage claim and to my surprise there was Tim Speedle. His hair was long and shaggy, his stubble was the closest I've ever seen to beard, he wore faded jeans and a sad expression. When he saw me his face lit up slightly and a small smile appeared.I smiled in return. When I approached him he pulled me into a close hug. I felt, for the first time in ages, safe and cared for. The tears started to well up, and before I knew it they were pouring out of my eyes like a flood gate had been opened. He held me close, and I seem to remember the feel of his own hot tears against the skin of my neck. 

We pulled apart, and I put on the smile that I had become so talented at using to conceal my pain and anguish. He put on his version of the 'everything'sfine' mask. He took my bag and we worked our way outof the throng of people to my aunt's Ford Explorer. 

Apparently Jim and Norma had an appointment with the funeral home at the same time my flight was due. In all honesty I was glad that it hadn't been them picking me up. What could I have said to them?"I'm so sorry, I know how you're feeling, but I don't." 

The ride back to my aunt and uncle's beach-front property was silent except for the sound of the radio. Some classic rock station. They were playing Lynard Skynerd's 'free bird'. It had been a favorite of Kyle's. As the song blared through the speakers we drove passed the beach that we has come to claim as 'ours' and the ice cream shop that we would take my little brothers to. It was hard not to get a little emotional seeing these places that I would never be able to go to with out wishing he were there,but I was damn well going to try and and hide the fact that any of it bothered me. I didn't want Tim to think of me as weak, or whiny. I didn't want him to think of me as any of the terrible things that my father had called me because of having emotions. 

But my attempt at being stoic wasn't being bought. Tim just took my hand in his, never taking his eyes off the road mind you, and told me that he didn't know what I was feeling, but that the first time he had driven by these land marks it had taken a toll on his raw emotions. I think that was the moment I knew that I loved this guy.That was the moment that I vowed to myself that this was the man I was going to marry. 

He didn't try to make me happy, and he didn't pretend to know what I was feeling. He had given me my space,but offered his own experience as a way to tell me whatever I was feeling was okay. At the time I was greatful to have him there, but I didn't really think about the future that much. I was too busy living in the past. 


End file.
